Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
