I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
