I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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