Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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