12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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