matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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