captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
