i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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