Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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