Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
