Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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