So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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