I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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