when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
