??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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