i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
