So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
