girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
