I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
