so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize