420 ftw
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
