i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
please come you make the beer taste better
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize