I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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