There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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