he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
