She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
