The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Found the puke drawer
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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