I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
