I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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