kristin has been a bad kristin
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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