So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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