Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I will be naked everywhere
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
