gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
should my penis look like a turkey
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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