garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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