I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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