i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize