Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
