he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
