Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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