Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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