So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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