Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
