Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
