thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
