im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
