member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize