I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
