I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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