You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
