Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
