i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
