theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
