But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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