So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
