TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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