I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
