I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
