Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
