come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
