Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
