guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
