I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Drunk walkin through police station. America
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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