Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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