There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
