I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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