how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
