Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
