I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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