so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
