a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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