1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
