i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
