My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
